Death’s Door

The week after my son’s birth in 2019 was without doubt the hardest of my life.

I’ve spoken before about our serious postpartum anxiety and depression are, but to say that my experiences after my son’s birth were among the scariest of my existence is an understatement. Without going into too much upsetting detail, there were moments in that first week when I was so anxious and sleep-deprived that I didn’t think I could go on. I didn’t feel like I wanted to go on, and my heart’s only desire was for everything to stop.

It’s a pain I never want to feel again, and my mind felt so shattered that I will never forget it. I’m sure my husband and parents will never forget the afternoon they had to rush me to the hospital because I was in such a panic either.

This poem is inspired by that time…and I am glad to have at least let go of some of the dark memories by writing it.


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  1. Jido says:

    Silently I was there for you.

    1. janilleng says:


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