Wednesday Words #3 – The Tragedy of Us

“I’d tell you I miss you but I don’t know how.

I’ve never heard silence quite this loud.” 

Taylor Swift

We all have that one person in our life who we can’t quite forget, don’t we?

That person we’re still holding out for an apology from, even years later.

That person things didn’t end well or clearly with, who left us without any real sense of closure.

I’ve had a few such people in my life, most recently in the tough year that was 2019 for me. I wish I could say I don’t think about this person often and that I’ve let her memory drift away with the wind, taking all my resentment, confusion and hurt feelings with it. But, of course as is so often the case in these situations, that isn’t the truth. It isn’t even remotely accurate.

She was the Jane to my Elizabeth Bennet. The Caroline Helstone to my Shirley Keeldar. In so many ways my exact opposite, but the one person I thought truly understood me and that I could count on no matter what.

Sometimes it’s the people we trust fiercely and open our hearts widest to that hurt us the most. 

I can’t say I’ll ever be able to forget all that went down on that day almost 2 years ago…and forgiveness seems like a concept that is impossible for my spirit to broach.

Every now and then, though, I wonder what it would be like to get in touch with her again, to see if that spark flickers back to life easily. When you feel like someone is your soul mate it’s very hard to let go of the sentimentality and nostalgia associated with thoughts of them. There are moments when it seems like it would be the best thing in the world to open up to that person again, to run over and embrace them…but is that sort of dramatic reconciliation ever healthy? 

If someone has left your life, whether in a passionate fluster or more quietly, is it ever a good idea to force them back into it? I don’t know.

I don’t know. And in not knowing, I do nothing.

jng

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