I haven’t written a blog post in a very long time.
Mostly because I haven’t had any idea what to do with this space.
2020 was a trying year for all of us, and although I want to believe that I was largely very positive, optimistic and light-hearted, this whole situation has started to grate on my nerves of late.
I found myself, particularly towards the end of the year, becoming less and less sure of things. I changed by social media profile picture around 20 times in the span of two months (who even knows if my current one will stick?!); I updated my Instagram and Twitter handles twice; I became obsessed with finding the perfect iPhone aesthetic and have gone through 7 different iterations; I’ve bought countless different earrings, bracelets and rings to try to “change up my jewelry game” (as if anyone cares what I wear on my ears other than my 15 month old who just wants to pull on them!); and I think I’ve gone through about 5 different skincare routines.
When every day looks the same – my mom keeps referencing the movie Groundhog Day when referring to 2020 – you feel like you have to do even the tiniest things every day to remind yourself that, well, you exist. I haven’t properly hugged my best friends since last March, haven’t seen them in person since the summer when the pandemic was somewhat under control, and my NEED (not desire, I mean NEED) to get a new tattoo is off the charts. I am in many ways the best version of myself I’ve ever been because I am spending every day with my husband and son and devoting so much of myself to my little immediate family…but in so many other regards, I am lost. What’s the point of the purse/wallet collection I carefully cultivated if I can’t go anywhere? Why bother dyeing my hair a fresher shade of violet if it won’t even see real daylight? When will be the next time I slap on my favourite red lipstick and go dancing again? Worse yet, will I be seeing The Phantom of the Opera live anytime again soon, or jumping up and down singing to Dua Lipa on stage?
Much has been taken from us this year, and I have found myself, at times, floundering. But, I have tried not to be too hard on myself. If I need to take several selfies a day to make myself feel like a real human again, so be it. If I need to step back from a blog I created for my own enjoyment because my life feels too bland to write about…hopefully more exciting times will come soon. Right? Soon…when will that be?
Let’s focus on the positives, though, shall we? I felt the urge to write tonight (I’ll count that as a win!) and I have a few ideas for other posts to upload in the next couple of days. So we’ll roll with that for now and not put too much pressure on ourselves to be anything more than casual friends for the moment, how does that sound? No obligations, just fun!
So, with that optimism in mind, here are a few things that I think went swimmingly in 2020, if I do say so myself!
(1) My son turned 1 year old in October 2020. Yes, time sure does fly…I feel like I was writing about my emergency C-section only yesterday.
He’s a roaring toddler now and he went from crawling to walking to running during this crazy pandemic. He’s a handful, but in the best possible way, and I love every minute with him.
I feel like, this year, I really came into my own as a mother. I made the decision in mid-2020 not to return to work for the next few years and to instead focus on spending time with my quickly growing little one, and that was without doubt the best choice I have ever made. I went from hardly being able to be at home with my son without feeling anxious and scared to spending all of my time with him, with no help but that of my husband who is also working from home, and I feel like I have really gained a lot of confidence in myself as a parent because of the unique position I’ve been forced into this year. Not every day has been easy, and I’ve shed my fair share of tears, but I am nowhere near as anxious as I once was, and I am actually immensely proud of everything I’ve accomplished as a mother in the last 15 months. I wake up every morning excited to see what adorable Dorian will do with the day ahead, and I am just truly honoured to be on this journey with him.
(2) I finished 84 books in 2020.
A lot of people will say this is down to the fact that we couldn’t do very much else this year, but remember that I have a 15 month old who demands a lot of attention. The fact that I managed to read more books than I ever have in any other year of my life was a remarkable feat to me.
With that said, though, I don’t want to put pressure on myself to achieve the same this year…mainly because it really does take the pleasure out of reading to do that. I just want to enjoy every book I pick up and not get too frustrated if I can’t read much one night because I, for example, want to write a blog post instead. I am so glad for the 84 books I read last year, and they’re under my belt regardless, so I’m going to take this year one page at a time.
I did have some clear favourite books in 2020, however, and I would be remiss not to mention them here. You’ll see in the photos below tiny excerpts of my Goodreads reviews for each one, so if you’d like to have a read of my full thoughts on each one, head over there. I would wholeheartedly recommend every one of the 11 books on this list!
I suppose that’s all for now. What can I say, I have no idea where my blogging journey will go this year, but I am pretty glad to be writing right now, even if it’s a fleeting gesture.
With all my x’s and o’s,
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